Dear so and so, I am just writing to give you a gentle reminder to lower you voice. I’m sure it’s unintentional and no offence is intended. It may even be something out of your control. Perhaps you are going deaf and need to have your ears checked before it gets worse.

ur a big bitch!!!

Love the blue shirt.

I want to tongue dance……

I want you to sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up!

i want to play with your cell phone holders

i want to satisfy your oral fixation

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Dude- I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but your breath is terrible today. Reach in that ASU helmet of yours for a mint!

Hey sweetie……I’ve been thinking about you, are you still with that girl? I sure hope not, cuz i would love to see you… call me…..

Nick-where did you get that fabulous tan

meat

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Choke on it!

Did you meet Jenny Craig?

Dude, you got to take a mint!

Your outfit looks tight around the gluteus maximus today.

Thanks for coming in today!

Have another donut!

Big Brother is watching you!

How about washing your hands after you go to the can?

Nick, having a bad hair day?

you look great today

Stop staring at her Double-Ds.

White shirts do not conceal the extra pounds. And in addition, that tie is HORRIFIC!

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 Dear Bethany, We are writing to you as a valued supernoodle customer. You may be aware that over 100 million packets of noodles are sold every year, and our market research shows that a majority of it is sold to customers in Deal, Kent. So we took it upon ourselves to investigate more into this, and after sourcing your club card number, it was clear you have what we here like to call the classic case of noodel-itus. For this, we are sending you a months supply of your favourite noodles. Ps these are for you only, do not let chris near them. All the best, Sargent Noodle. Super noodles head quaters.

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 You are so gullible… But i love you. Love Big D

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Have you been eating pickled eggs again…. i hate watching you eat them, there like family to me, and you just cruely kill them…. what has a pickled onion done to you? I hope you get indigestion from one. Yours faithfully, an un-eaten onion

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Hi Steve, Its G……., have you finished with my paint brushes as S….. wants me to paint the kitchen. You know what women are like, it needs to be done like yesterday. So is there anychance i can pop over tonight and collect them? Cheers mate

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