Dear Bethany, We are writing to you as a valued supernoodle customer. You may be aware that over 100 million packets of noodles are sold every year, and our market research shows that a majority of it is sold to customers in Deal, Kent. So we took it upon ourselves to investigate more into this, and after sourcing your club card number, it was clear you have what we here like to call the classic case of noodel-itus. For this, we are sending you a months supply of your favourite noodles. Ps these are for you only, do not let chris near them. All the best, Sargent Noodle. Super noodles head quaters.

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 You are so gullible… But i love you. Love Big D

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Have you been eating pickled eggs again…. i hate watching you eat them, there like family to me, and you just cruely kill them…. what has a pickled onion done to you? I hope you get indigestion from one. Yours faithfully, an un-eaten onion

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Hi Steve, Its G……., have you finished with my paint brushes as S….. wants me to paint the kitchen. You know what women are like, it needs to be done like yesterday. So is there anychance i can pop over tonight and collect them? Cheers mate

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WHo are you?

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What Do I Look Like?  
 
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”
The husband just looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, “Honey, the car won’t start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?”

“What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?” was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it’s raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he’s walking through the door. “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?”

He just looked at her and said “What do I look like, Bob Vila?” and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn’t leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, “Honey, how come there aren’t any more leaks, and the car’s running?”

She replied nonchalantly, “Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.”  “Wow, did he charge us anything?” asked the husband. “No, he just said that he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him” she said.

“Cool. What kind of cake did you make?” asked the husband. “Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker? 

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